- MY GOODMEN! The beards have come! Care for them with beard shampoo & conditioner containing my best beard oil! I declare your beard will look like a rabid mongoose no longer!
- I MUSTACHE YOU A QUESTION GOODMAN. Do you tire of owning 47 different types of beard balm, beard shaper and beard conditioner? Well, I have a solution better than that Trojan horse idea
- YOU MAY OWN A BEARD BRUSH, BEARD COMB, BEARD BEANIE AND BEARD TRIMMER. These will give semblance of taming your hairy holiness, but I do declare Beard Shampoo will give perfection!
- STOP LOLLYGAGGING WITH YOUR FACE! Do you even know what’s in your beard softener goodman? You don’t have to be Steve Jobs to do the research. My organic formula will make your beard fuller than a landfill in Northern California!
- I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU ABOUT FACIAL HAIR GROWTH! Tea tree! Rosemary! Biotin! Aloe! Argan Oil! Peppermint Oil! Manuka Honey! Eucalyptus! I rest my case goodman! Makes a great Xmas present and it will absolutely be the best deal of the day for you today!